90210 recap: Aaaaaaand, sex
This week's events on 90210 have taught us yet another valuable lesson: One good turn deserves a slap across the face. Despite Navid's honorable intentions, his big mouth landed Papa Shirazi in the hot seat with the Feds, resulting in his departure for Iran. Meanwhile, Teddy is testing the waters of gay culture and finding it a bit too hot for his liking.
Annie, Naomi and Charlie
Annie finally meets Charlie's roommates (in his IMMACULATE house. We live in a one bedroom walk-up and we have real jobs. Life is unfair), one of which turns out to be his ex. The two banter like Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos, so naturally Annie is feeling a little threatened. When she tells Naomi about how she's feeling, Naomi's predicable yet nonetheless hilarious response is to have sex. Lots and lots of sex. With crotchless panties. Or edible ones. And pasties (which we really don't understand, but this is perhaps not the best venue to discuss the appropriateness of boob stickers during intercourse).
Annie finally agrees about the sex part, and strips down to her skivvies in Charlie's bathroom when they're having a quiet evening in. When she jumps out, however, she finds they're not alone. The entire house is home, including Charlie's ex. After shrieking and running back into the bathroom, Annie admits later that she was feeling uncomfortable about the ex and Charlie says they should share everything if they're in a relationship. To kick off the sharing, Charlie confesses is that his scar is from his and Liam's abusive uncle, who was a "mean drunk." We take back that part about life being unfair.
Annie is glad to know the truth and the two seem closer than ever. (Obligatory Man In The Room: "Aaaaaaaaaand, sex." ). We're actually starting to get on board with this relationship, mostly due to the lack of Shakespeare and French, which is frankly just nauseating.
Read on for gay bars and the consequences of single dad-dom after the jump.
Teddy and the boys (take that to mean whatever you want)
Dixon, Liam and Navid are a little stand-offish with their pal Teddy due to his attempt to drive home stoned, but Teddy is quick with an apology and the guys forgive and forget. But ol' playboy Teddy is still not quite himself, evidenced by the dismissive attitude towards a hot waitress at the clubhouse who is throwing out more signals than an MLB catcher. Clearly distracted, Teddy leaves his pals and heads for a bar with a very vibrant rainbow-colored flag in the window. Truth be told, it's a very ordinary and low-key bar, and Teddy is more or less left alone. When someone finally tries to strike up a conversation, Teddy spooks and asks for the check. One problem -- he left his wallet at the clubhouse. Since he doesn't want the guys to know his little secret he calls the only person in on his sexual preferences, Ian.
Ian spots Teddy the cash and offers him some advice: If Teddy has been experiencing these feelings for a while, chances are they're not going anywhere. Unfortunately, this isn't what Teddy wants to hear, and he bids Ian a hasty good night.
Debbie, Matthews and Jack
With mother-of-the-year Jen out of the picture, Debbie is helping Matthews find a decent nanny for Jack. They hire a grand-standing girl who gives a lengthy speech on the honor of being a nanny, and then dumps Jack on Matthews in the middle of class to audition for CSI. Lesson number one in raising a child in Hollywood: Don't trust actresses.
Debbie comes to the rescue so Matthews can finish up at school, and invites him to stay for dinner when he comes to pick up Jack. Debbie's bolognese, loneliness and what was probably a hefty sexual drought leads to some counter-top making out and then...well, you know.
Navid, Ade and Silver
Things are worse than ever at the Shirazi manor. Navid's counselor has gone to the principal, who in turn has alerted the authorities regarding Mr. Shirazi's hiring practices, and his business is now under investigation. Naturally, Navid is a little upset by the news, and Ade is no help whatsoever. Instead of listening to Navid's problems, she prances off to an interview with Ryan Seacrest with a promise of dinner the next day. Seacrest may have his own show, but c'mon, Navid is much cuter.
When Navid goes to apologize to his father he doesn't get the forgiveness he'd hoped for. Instead, Mr. Shirazi is pinning all the family's troubles on Navid, despite the fact that he's one who is technically a child pornographer. Meanwhile, Navid and Silver are trying to weed through the confusing sexual tension from the previous episode, and come to the conclusion that all friends at one point or another almost kiss. Um, no. This is not "When Harry Met Sally." Not every guy/girl friendship is meant to end in attraction. That's either just you, or your raging teenage hormones.
The two over-achievers get pushed even closer after Ade once again neglects her boyfriend. When she meets her publicist and stylist and some other hanger-on at their dinner date, she puts up no resistance to their offer to join them, and Navid is subjected to a conversation where every other word is "fabulous" and no mention is made of his family problems. When Navid gets a text from his mother he leaves Ade with her fabulous friends and goes home to see what's up. What's up is his father has fled the country. Possibly indefinitely. With no one left to talk to, Navid shows up at Silver's in the middle of the night. Let's just hope this doesn't end in pity sex.
What did you guys think of the episode? Is Mr. Shirazi getting what he deserves? Will Annie and Dixon be facing the possibility of having a teacher for a stepfather? Are you equally disturbed by Naomi's pasties suggestion? To the comments!
Notes n' Quotes
Ivy: Just so you guys know, I'm not really big on...tanning...
Ade: Me neither. I'm not supposed to freckle.
Navid: I paid for your dinner! Bam!
Dixon: That was to repay me for updating your lame-ass music collection. Bam.
Navid: Whatever. I don't care.
Ryan: What happened to "Whether rain nor sleet nor gloom of night?"
Nanny: It's for "CSI: Miami."
Naomi: He's a college guy, if you want to lock him down you have to give him the key! ...to your...
Annie: I got it!
Liam: Sometimes hot girls go for ugly guys so they can have the upper hand.
Dixon: Look who's funny today.
Annie: Where's the underwear part?
Naomi: They're crotchless!
Naomi: Mrs. W! Hey, those aren't awful shoes!
Naomi: Oh, it looks like you've got a little spit-up on your shirt. No...that's just the pattern...
Stylist: Nice hair! Extensions?
Navid: (laughs) Um, no.
Stylist: Yeah. Right.
Matthews: I'm sorry.
Debbie: Did you forget something?
Matthews: Just...my son.
Final Thoughts
- Just one: It's Meredith!! From "The Parent Trap"!!!!! SQUEE!!!